Sarah Palin New Year resolutions
December 28th 2008 18:50
Sarah Palin - from tiny Wasilla to national candidate to international joke - Sarah was an interesting addition to 2008. And with sights potentially set on a run in 2012, our little Sarah isn't going anywhere. Here are some ideas she might want to consider in the interim. So here we go, the top ten New Year's Resolutions for Sarah Palin.
10. Aw, schucks - go ahead and look up the answer to Katie Couric's question about John McCain's record and since you told Katie you would "get back to ya" why not let her know what ya found out.
9. Next Thanksgiving, pardon that darned turkey before it goes into the now nefarious turkey funnel! It's just bad press to be "talking turkey" whilst birds are being "prepared for market" right behind you.
8. Give "Joe the Plumber" the flush. "Joe" grew into everything for everybody in the Palin tent. But Sarah, if you are going to appeal to the everyman, you should consider expanding your base. Maybe "Henry the hairdresser" and "Fannie the feminist" and "Jose the lettuce picker" could join the Palin 2012 movement. Then again, maybe not.
7. Just for the gosh-darned heck of it, go clothes shopping for the family. Sure, you may still want to parade around in high-end designer clothes provided by the RNC, but it's a bit much for the whole family to be wearing "temporary gifts."
6. You betcha, it might be a good idea to stop calling areas (like major cities, blue states, places that don't fawn all over you) as not being part of the "Real America." Tends to alienate a big chunk of the electorate.
5. You know, maybe, just because you have some free time, go ahead and actually read some newspapers. And remember them. If not what you actually read, at least the names of the newspapers. And by golly, watch those reporters from that pesky National Enquirer! Those affair rumors need to be kept "in the closet."
4. Stop hanging out with such overt religious fanatics. Sure, Barack Obama had his preacher problems too. But lettin' yourself get filmed in some kinda heebie-jeebie witch doctor ceremony doesn't play well outside of the base. And let's face it, you already have the base, girl!
3. Of course - keep using that sorta-sexy MILF/librarian look.....no candidate has fed so many fantasies of righties since good ol' Ronnie Reagan. Work it, Sarah!
2. Oh, that Tina Fey! Sure, publicity is great, but does she have to be sooo spot on? That Tina has you nailed, Sarah - a double edged sword for sure. On the one hand, it helps, on the other it makes you seem like an idiot - especially when she is just using your own words. Maybe resolve to stop giving her so much material. No, I take that back. Keep it up, Sarah!
10. Aw, schucks - go ahead and look up the answer to Katie Couric's question about John McCain's record and since you told Katie you would "get back to ya" why not let her know what ya found out.
9. Next Thanksgiving, pardon that darned turkey before it goes into the now nefarious turkey funnel! It's just bad press to be "talking turkey" whilst birds are being "prepared for market" right behind you.
8. Give "Joe the Plumber" the flush. "Joe" grew into everything for everybody in the Palin tent. But Sarah, if you are going to appeal to the everyman, you should consider expanding your base. Maybe "Henry the hairdresser" and "Fannie the feminist" and "Jose the lettuce picker" could join the Palin 2012 movement. Then again, maybe not.
7. Just for the gosh-darned heck of it, go clothes shopping for the family. Sure, you may still want to parade around in high-end designer clothes provided by the RNC, but it's a bit much for the whole family to be wearing "temporary gifts."
6. You betcha, it might be a good idea to stop calling areas (like major cities, blue states, places that don't fawn all over you) as not being part of the "Real America." Tends to alienate a big chunk of the electorate.
5. You know, maybe, just because you have some free time, go ahead and actually read some newspapers. And remember them. If not what you actually read, at least the names of the newspapers. And by golly, watch those reporters from that pesky National Enquirer! Those affair rumors need to be kept "in the closet."
4. Stop hanging out with such overt religious fanatics. Sure, Barack Obama had his preacher problems too. But lettin' yourself get filmed in some kinda heebie-jeebie witch doctor ceremony doesn't play well outside of the base. And let's face it, you already have the base, girl!
3. Of course - keep using that sorta-sexy MILF/librarian look.....no candidate has fed so many fantasies of righties since good ol' Ronnie Reagan. Work it, Sarah!
2. Oh, that Tina Fey! Sure, publicity is great, but does she have to be sooo spot on? That Tina has you nailed, Sarah - a double edged sword for sure. On the one hand, it helps, on the other it makes you seem like an idiot - especially when she is just using your own words. Maybe resolve to stop giving her so much material. No, I take that back. Keep it up, Sarah!
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